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Reflections

July 24, 2010

This is one of those “personal” posts; the kind that isn’t about anything in particular. It’s just me here typing away because I can.
So at the moment, it’s 1:20 in the morning, my boyfriend is out and I’m in bed (due to my parents’ overprotective, hawk-like watch), but as usual, I’m doing about 6 million things at once. My brain never rests, it seems. One of the things on my mind is impending exam results. When I say impending, I mean they should be on the island in about two weeks. I remember last summer; I had done CSEC and I knew I wasn’t getting less than a 2 in anything, so I was anxiously awaiting my results. I was, indeed, correct. I didn’t get less than a 2 in anything, but I bawled like a baby when I saw the paper. I was very hard on myself in those days. A little perfectionist who would punish herself if anything she did wasn’t up to par.
Yet, here I am, one year later, dreading exam results. I’ve never dreaded test results (of the academic kind) in my life! I was always ready to receive my perfect report card, so I could silently gloat to myself; so proud that I had proved mommy and daddy wrong. I wasn’t a total waste after all.
Last year, I was conceited. I knew that it required very little effort on my part to get good grades. I’ve never had to study in my life; good grades just seemed to fall into my lap for some reason.
But, alas, those days are over. It is very likely that I will fail Unit 1 CAPE Pure Mathematics. Those of you who know me can attest to the fact that when I say I’ve “failed” something, it usually means that I’ve passed, I just haven’t excelled and so, I beat myself up about it.
I don’t mean it like that this time. I mean a literal fail. As in a grade 6. I’m so serious. I don’t know how I will cope, for I’ve never had to deal with a failing grade in my life. CAPE Mathematics is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do (in terms of academics I mean. My personal life involves things way more complicated than Calculus). I’ve been spoiled into thinking that somehow, someway, I will excel, I must excel.
Unfortunately, Math, quite literally, “lick mi fi 6”.
Please tell me you just chuckled at my pun.

I’m expecting a good result for Literature, though. Apparently Communication Studies isn’t an actual subject, but I’m still expecting a good result for that.
I don’t even know what to think for Physics. Last year, I solemnly believed that I had failed it at CSEC. Turns out I had gotten a grade 1, with AAA profile and the second highest grade in the school. To this day, I’m still confused about that.
Upper 6th brings the challenge of a whole new subject. I’ll be doing two units of Sociology in one year, in addition to completing the Units of the subjects I started in Lower 6th. This will be extremely difficult, I know. But I think I will enjoy it.
I sincerely hope that this post is free from all spelling, grammatical and typographical errors, for I don’t think my heart could take any of those right now.

xoxo,
Frann.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Audiokane permalink
    July 24, 2010 10:30 am

    I know exactly how you feel. Failing just doesn’t happen to me. :s

  2. Deff permalink
    July 24, 2010 3:11 pm

    Yes i chuckled at your pun.

  3. SexyChev permalink
    August 10, 2010 11:24 pm

    lolz ur no grammatical errors hun ur gud u think u did well in lit?! REALLY?! oh my geez louise lucky u ms.i’m confident dat i’ll get a grade1 in cape lit

  4. Tiff permalink
    August 12, 2010 9:26 pm

    Funny pun.

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