Men Are From Mars etc.

I’ve taken a liking to locking myself up in my room and reading books from the genre popularly known as chick lit (see Summer Reading List), it helps to pass the time and appeases my boredom when I’m supposed to be studying. So I recently finished Bridget Jones’ Diary (always feel confused putting an apostrophe-s on words that already end with the letter S), quite an old book, one might even refer to it as a classic. Anyway, the book seems to highlight problems in relationships between men and women, mainly due to what is called emotional fuckwittage. Emotional fuckwittage is a serious condition that affects about 91% of the male population between the ages of 16 and 99. However, it can’t be treated, for it comes with the overbearing amounts of testosterone that men seem to have.

Symptoms include (but are not limited to):

• Asking a female for her number (in a rather flirtatious manner) then refusing to contact her for a period of no less than three days, so as not to look desperate/eager. The mere fact that she didn’t give you a fake number should indicate to you that she wants you to call. Help prevent the panic attack and frenzied conversations with girlfriends (“Whyyyyy hasn’t he called yet?!”).
• Saying you will call/text/bbm her later, then not calling/texting/bbming her later (similar to above).
• Leading females on: flirting mercilessly with her one day, showing little interest the next. Make up your mind, please.
• Inability to commit: the whole no-strings-attached/fuck  buddy thing can get old after a while. If you’re already doing everything like a couple, why not own up to the relationship?
• Going to her with foolishness when she finally finds a new boyfriend. No explanation necessary.
• Having the mindset that you don’t want her, but you don’t want anyone else to have her. Because, surely she’s going to be more than willing to wait on you, and only you, for the rest of her life.
• Behaving like a savage beast when your friends are around. Perhaps your “bredrins” are impressed by your efforts to show that you haven’t gone “soft”, that you most certainly aren’t “putting any woman on your head”, and of course that “man a gallis”, but I assure you, your girlfriend isn’t.
• Fear of showing affection. No explanation necessary.
• Forgetting important dates or refusing to acknowledge them because you think they aren’t important. If it’s important to her, it should be  important to you; at least try to feign interest.
• Sharing intimate details about the relationship with others. This might sound sexist, but it’s okay for women to gossip about their boyfriends, because that’s what females do. But a male should never ever discuss certain things with other people.
• Launching an attack every time she mentions one of her male friends. No explanation necessary.